The IT Geek used to be a rare beast, but is growing in numbers at a rapid rate. It is important to recognise who an IT geek is, so as to identify possible sources of free IT knowledge, and to guard yourself from becoming an IT geek too. Let’s take a look at some IT geek traits:
- Contrary to popular belief, geeks and hipsters do not share the same style. A true IT geek tends to favour a comfy pair of jeans (or no pants at all if they work from home), a t-shirt which is at LEAST four years old and contains a minimum of three dodgy inexplicable stains, and a pair of shoes that straddle the blurry line between slippers and sneakers. During winter months, they may take the trouble to add an old faded hoodie to this ensemble, or else they’ll just neglect to shave until Spring hits. This last point depends on the amount of clean clothes at their disposal, and whether they can reach them from the comfort of their desk.
IT geeks are known for their social skills…namely that they have none. Their main Achilles’ Heel is in talking to members of the opposite sex. Male geeks have been known to blurt out the most awkward things to girls when under extreme pressure (pressure being the fact that they are in the same suburb as a girl), such as “Your hair smells like the ocean” or “Did you lose a bet and have to talk to me?”. Then there are those geeks who prefer to say nothing. Nothing at all. Ever. I quote one of our managers in a staff meeting: “He is so quiet I can’t even see him.” These ones are dangerous, as they usually have a large amount of dirt on their co-workers from listening to them gossip all day. Or else they are harbouring some kind of rage issue. One day they will snap, use their tie as a bandana, and set the office on fire chanting “Study IT they said! It will be FUN they said!”
The IT Geek sees their desk as their home. Within days of claiming a space as their own they will proceed to decorate it with all things necessary to the survival of their species. Such items include a headset (they will wear this at all times regardless of whether they are on the phone or listening to music – that way nobody will attempt to communicate with them), an obscene amount of screens (one does not simply work on 2 screens), an enormous bottle of water that they will never finish, a notebook (used for doodling, not writing in), a large collection of other people’s pens, a nest of cables, a tower of storage containers that may or may not contain old food, a stack of IT books they will never read (usually placed under their screens for optimum screen to eye ratio), and a pile of old papers which are actually invoices that the accounts department has been searching for since the end of the last financial year.
An IT geek cannot call himself a geek without this must have geek accessory. It must be worn on two shoulders at all times, and be heavy enough to kill a small elephant – should the need arise. Nobody quite knows what the average geek backpack contains, as it is a closely guarded secret (if you try to look inside you’re likely to lose your eyes, your fingers and your sense of smell). Popular theories include a lifetime’s supply of batteries, a pack of Twinkies, binoculars, a small ferret and an asthma pump.
Girls collect shoes, men collect phone numbers, kids collect My Little Ponies, geeks collect gadgets. From multi-tool James Bond-esque pocket friends, to a Star Wars light saber that doubles as a pen – they’ve got it all.
Geeks are not known for their communication skills. They specialize in giving “The Blank Expression” to anyone who tries to carry a colloquial conversation with them. Don’t expect anything more than a grunt in reply…unless you have asked a technical question. Then they suddenly spring to life and throw all sorts of theories and questions at you. Prepare to be dazed and confused.
There are various breeds of geek when it comes to physical appearance. A geek can have one of a combination of the following: Annorexia Nerdosa (otherwise known as skinny to the point of death), a healthy sprinkling of acne, spectacles, braces (including headgear), pudding bowl haircut (usually done by a parent), pale skin from lack of sun exposure (a true geek NEVER EVER ventures outside), and baby fat which has turned into teenage fat which has matured into adult morbid obesity.
We hope this short guide helps you in identifying potential IT geeks. With your help we can seek them out and give them much needed fashion advice, and in some cases a good wash. If you find one that you can carry a conversation with, best you hand them your broken laptop before they figure out your true motives!